As I am sure you can tell from the last post, I was deep fried...DEEP fried. It happens...what can I say.
We're under enormous pressure. And truthfully there is no end in sight.
I wish that I had some terrific news from our meeting in Hershey at the cancer center, but unfortunately that just isn't the case.
Here's what we learned....
Brian has an area of lymphoma in his right shoulder blade. (in addition to all the other places we already knew about)
They have little data on transplants and his type of cancer.
His cancer is much more rare then we realized and there are not a lot of studies on it.
They will give him massive doses of chemotherapy (cytotoxin and etopicide) 8 days prior to transplant. This will kill any remaining cancer, also kill his bone marrow and completely annihilate his immune system.
They have no statistics on what his chances of developing leukemia after all the etopicide will be.
basically if he lives 5 years past transplant they consider it a success regardless of any medical issues, or even death.
so here are our choices....
finish the ICE and do nothing....and he dies from the lymphoma
finish the ICE and to the transplant ...and he dies from the procedure...or the cancer comes back and he dies...or he gets leukemia and he dies...or he might just possibly be cured, BUT....they are really only hoping that is the case.
If the auto (using his own cells) transplant fails and the cancer returns and is still effected by chemotherapy...he would have the allo (doner) transplant as a back up.
The permanent side effects that Brian has already experienced and is getting more all the time, is just adding up. The truth is that we will be dealing with this for the rest of his life.
last night he fell and broke the door off the tv cabinet...I don't care about that...either we can fix it or it has no door, the fact is that he is suffering in his ability to walk, and his eyesight is effected by the current chemotherapy as well.
We all appreciate that sometimes there is some suffering in order to get better. Brian has been suffering for 10 years and they really don't know if he'll get better. Nor have they studied this cancer enough to really determine the very best treatment. The next treatment is a transplant because they just don't have anything else to offer that is main stream.
Nice eh?....
I have 3 oncologists who all agree Brian's best chance for survival and a cure is the transplant.
if he survives the transplant, they are all happy, but what about what is left of Brian?....that is an important question. And not one to be dismissed lightly.
Brian wants to go ahead with the transplant even though he is well aware of all of the pitfalls and there will be some serious pain as well. He is brave and admirable. He says he wants to fight the cancer because he knows if he dies I'll go insane.
like I am not already?...but hey they make a pill for that...
on top of it all there are the bills, the cars, the things that needs to be fed and walked and watered and fixed....and they just keep piling up.
and please....PLEASE....try and respect that my beliefs and your beliefs well might be different and don't try and sell me the "God has a plan" stuff.... (this comment is based upon a phone call I had last night, but I'm really serious about this). Though I am amused by the local bible thumpers billboard in town. Innovative Church...less crap more Jesus.
I accept all paths to Gods and Goddesses. I do not ask that you accept my path and I do not wish to be converted to yours. Each of us are entitled to worship as we wish. It's called free will and it's a wonderful thing.
please feel free to further discuss this in a pleasant fashion and with an open mind.
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