Happy New Years EVE

It is the end of a long year. We've made some new friends and worn out some old ones. It's sad thing, but I guess it just how it is. People get tired of hearing about the same old things...not enough time, not enough money, another bill and another doctor's visit. I'd be lying to say that some of it hasn't hurt, but let's get real..this is hard for us and we struggle to keep it together...can't really blame those who just walk away and don't want to hear it anymore...OH wait..yes I can...Just how I am...I want to be understanding, but that ran out a long time ago. One bad hospital meal at a time.
We've had a crappy year...it's tired my marriage, it's tried my resolve, it's pretty much tired everything. And I can say with out doubt....acceptance just is NOT in my genetic make up.
Brian had his portacath removed....not very gracefully, by a surgeon that I will not allow to touch him ever again. A sad and frightening replacement to Dr. Mosca for sure....yanking and tugging then.."oh it's stitched in"...concerning since SHE SHOULD be putting them in as well....that caused some unnecessary pain for him. :(
He is also going to start physical therapy to help with the neuropathy...more on that later...
in the meantime....may you all who still read and care, have a happy and healthy New year. May you be blessed to NEver walk a mile in our shoes or deal with a sick child.

Feb update

I know, it's been a while, but we're taking time to adjust to our new "normal" life, as well as the fact that we've all been passing viruses around since Thanksgiving.

Brian is still tired all the time, and we're starting to see some of our old "post chemo" friends...the fungus is back on his scalp and he's having short term memory issues. We used to do some memory games to help with this, don't know how receptive Brian will be this time, but we'll give it a go.

Brian and I have been spending lots of time talking about the spring garden and solar panels and other sustainable projects. He's really quite brilliant and has some wonderful ideas.
He's struggling with the mood swings, but is steadfast in his decision not to take medication, and while I don't agree with it, I am giving him my full support and we're agreed on a feedback system. It seems to be working well enough for now. If I sound skeptical, it is because we've been here so many times before. But We've discussed this and talked to his doctor about it as well, and if the time comes he needs medication, or isn't coping well, then we are agreed on a psychiatric consult.

He still needs to get his porta cath removed, it has been rescheduled twice now, once due to Scott's car accident and once due to an ice storm. Let's hope third time's a charm.

We see the oncologist at the end of the month and they will evaluate the cancer and hopefully confirm it remains in remission for now. I think they will be doing a CAT scan this time rather then a PET scan.

Once this has transpired, I'll update again. Hope everyone is well.

Jan update

So, things have been okay...Brian has been sick with a terrible cold, I too have it. It really has knocked us both out for a good week and a half...
The pain in his side has gone away and I think it was gastrointestinal in nature, and no cause for alarm.
His port a cath removal surgery is rescheduled for 2/2 giving him time to get over his cold.

Scott has to have additional eye surgery on Wednesday to reduce the retinal blister/damage.

all in all the stress has been reduced some, and we are slowly working to get things back in order...it will take time, and there is no rushing to find our new "normal" I know this from previous experience.

just need to get done each day what we can, and not fret that which is left for tomorrow...though my goal is to get my etsy store up and running in the next few weeks...so stay tuned...

nerve wracking complaint

well....it's been a year since the nightmare began and Brian came to me tonight to show me a spot right across from where the necrotic tumor was that hurts and looks a little puffy...

now, he'd already been rubbing it and bothering it, so it is hard to tell anything at this point, and it hasn't been long since the PET scan, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I am a tad bit concerned...last time I didn't give into panic...

so say it with me...I will not panic....I will not panic....I will not panic...

yeah, I feel better now...how about you?...if it is still bothering him on monday I will call the dr....