Pride goeth...

As I was trying to figure out my living accommodations for the 30-100 days that Brian will be in the hospital, I was of course making MORE phone calls.

I've logged in 3 straight days of non stop phone calls. Blah...my butt hurts from sitting in the office chair.

But I digress...so back to accommodations. Brian is too old (by 2 years) for me to do the Ronald McDonald house thing...but I did call and speak to a very nice person about that anyhow. I was saddened to hear that she has a waiting list at the one in New Brunswick (if we go to RWJUH). It is a sad thing when so many children have life threatening illnesses.
We really do need to stop poisoning our environment, but that this topic would cause further digression, so I will stop.

I made some more phone calls to Hershey and Univ. of Penn, all transplant hospital options. I am trying to get all my questions answered by Monday in case we are ready to make decisions and start treatments. I know that is a very real possibility. I also know that once the decision is made, there might be other options that at this time I can not get answers to. But like the good girl scout I once was, I prefer to be prepared. And I have no problem sleeping in the car if I run out of options.

But I did send out emails to our friends in the Hillsborough area to try and line up some last minute options. I can't even begin to describe how distasteful writing that type of email is, or even asking for help on any level. It is well, just YUCK...but I know there are just some things we can't do without help. Even if I do not want that help. I was thinking of how much this hurts my pride and I know from last time as well. Because Stephanie had asked me to look up a word on dictionary.com (she's been playing scrabble with a friend) I thought, heck, let's look up pride since I am hemorrhaging mine right and left.

The meaning left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I think I can be okay without so much pride, it really isn't as nice I thing as I had thought it was, at least by definition in any event....

Cancer really doesn't leave anyone who is touched by it with pride, not Brian who has to endure medical exam after medical exam...full of things that are unpleasant such as rectal exams, spinal taps and bone marrow aspirates. Not to mention to poisons pumped into his blood stream and those side effects... (And just ask him how he feels about them...go ahead..I dare you....just buy some ear plugs first. He has a whole dialog about how the cancer is not in his ass....)

It doesn't leave us with any pride either, sometimes I feel like we might as well stand on the corner and pan handle...but we do what we have to for our children, no matter how distasteful it is. MINT ANYONE???


Special thanks today go to Scott's sister Donna for your kind donation, and to
Lynn R. for the box of books and kind note. Thank you both.