Our main reason for the visits were to address some issues Brian was having in school, as some of you might know, Brian has aspergers. It is a form of autism and the school system though it had a decent special education program, they were ill equipt to deal with a high functioning but learning different child. As Brian was. (and yes, he has made amazing progress but it has taken enormous effort and sacrifice for him to be "normal").
After we had achieved our goal with Brian from the counseling, I saw the psychologist a few more times to discuss changing my role in the family dynamics. Ultimately it was not achievable, but I felt the need to explore it to reduce my stress.
While there, she and I discussed pivotal moments in my life. Good and bad. We naturally focused on the bad..it WAS a psych visit after all...
Some have suggested over the years that I invite, or make some of my own problems. And certainly to an extent that can be true. I did rescue cats...I did take in pets that no one else wanted or were abandoned and left to die. I didn't have to take on the extra work, expense and to some extent the ultimate heart ache of the FIP outbreak. I have also made some uninformed choices...but what happened this weekend...well..you judge for yourself. And I am neither drowning my sorrows, nor wringing my hands...I am just sickly, manically, insanely laughing....and my insanity doesn't bother me a bit.....
about three weeks ago the saturn blew the engine and we needed a new car. We had no money for such a purchase and certainly can't even consider a car loan. We took what we had and bought an older used vehicle. Now while it is older then the saturn, it did have less mileage. Usually it is prudent to check things out, drive it locally etc...but we didn't have that option. Scott needed to get to work. He works a solid hour from the house.
At that same time, our neighbors who's home next door is a vacation home for them, asked Scott to supervise a delivery of bathroom remodeling items since they would not be there. It's the neighborly thing to do and anyone who knows Scott, knows he's the first to offer to help someone. They gave him the garage door remote....I told him to make sure he put it some place safe. Scott lost it naturally...of course he did. He frequently loses keys, shoes, wallet..phone..simply because his brain tells him some obscure place is "safe".
Today the "new" old car broke down...not sure where...exactly...have no idea what is wrong with it, have no money to fix it, BUT we did find the garage door opener...in the glove box of Stephanie's car (???)
I have to leave tuesday morning with Brian to go to Philadelphia. Those arrangements are not finalized or confirmed...but like Brian said...we can take pillows, blankets and the car is big enough to camp out in it...I am too worn out to fret.
TO top it all off, it took 3 separate trips to the hospital for them to get Brian's neupogen. First time, they filled 10 days not 12 and because of the medicaid couldn't give us the additional 2 days unless we paid out of pocket (neupogen is crazy expensive)so we tried to get it thursday when we were there for the NADIR visit..no..the medicaid computer was down and it couldn't be processed....went yesterday..and well they only had 6 out of 9 syringes we needed....had to go again today to finally get the balance...each drive 65 miles one way from the house....more time, more gas...more money...and you wonder why we never have 2 cents...it ISNT all eaten by the cats....
this evening I truly felt like just giving up at least for 30 seconds. I was so worn out, but poor Scott...it was his birthday...and he barely got sleep to go back to work.No dinner, no cake, no time for anything.
these are not the days that try men's souls...these are the days you say FUCK IT and are grateful you can laugh at things that would bring others to their knees.
No comments:
Post a Comment