short update

Brian had his 27th birthday.....how awesome we have been blessed to have him with us that long :)
we had his favorite cake...chocolate cake filled with vanilla custard and fresh strawberries covered in whipped cream. ....ever so yummy.

Spoke with Dr. Nasta's assistant yesterday, she doesn't want to bother with the CAT scan this month, just go right to the PET scan....WOW and holy shit does that make me concerned.

waiting for that other shoe to drop.

Scott is not dealing with the stress well again, got in trouble at work..again..got suspended for a day and they took his 4 hours a week overtime away for a minimum of 3 months...because when you have someone who is already stressed to the max and in financial ruin it helps so much to take another $500.00 a month out of their pocket....idiot fuckers.

yes bitch bitch bitch....and show me where I don't have the right, and I'll tell you to come live my life for a month and have to listen to all the people who say they want to help and never do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN

WOOHOOO.....

these milestones are such important ones....and Scott and I are taking the birthday boy out for lunch...and we got his favorite cake :)

We are the three musketeers....stick together no matter how bad things get....days like these are good reminders.

and yes although my shoulder is still very swollen and in great pain, I love him enough to struggle through and put on a bra...(that is SERIOUS LOVE considering the condition of my shoulder right now)

the spring blues

Brian is kind of having a rough time, feeling like he is all alone in this battle...I am pretty sure he would appreciate a card or a quick note to encourage....

He's been in this battle for his life for 13 years now, and it gets to him...it gets to all of us. He feels very much frustrated and discouraged.

Brian McColgan
3606 Heather Lane
Tobyhanna PA 18466

may showers

so I haven't updated in a few weeks..things here haven't really been good. Scott is having a rough time again, he feels the stress more quickly these days and the issues with the car hasn't helped take off any of the pressure.

I had hoped we'd get some money to fix the car, but that didn't happen, my trying out other selling sites then ebay hasn't really been successful...so it is a bit of frustration.

Brian is sure he is schizophrenic, and while in the past I have been able to reason with him, and point him in the right direction as well as remind him he didn't sleep or whatever the issue was, I am simply exhausted and I need someone to take over this aspect of his care, unfortunately he refuses to advocate for himself and doesn't see the need for a psychiatrist or medications. While I hope it doesn't come to it, I'd be lying if I wasn't considering forcing him into it.

both he and scott have taken to chronic pointless arguments with me as well...and while it is easy to to say.. hey how about a little support group or counseling  the practicality of it both in time and money is not so easy. There would also be the fact they both refuse to go.

We've gotten past it before, and I hope we will again, we just really could use a break...it is more the constant droning of money and emotional issues that really fray the edges so badly.

On a positive note, tomatoes, carrots, beets,onions,  raspberries and blueberries are all happy growing...I am still trying to get in another bed for peppers and potatoes. And ideally a bed for asparagus which takes a good 2 years to grow.

the toe you ask?..oh it is as infected as always....and Brian is reminded daily to call the dr. for antibiotics.

He'll be 27 next month...we have begged borrowed and stolen time to get him this far, but we are missing out on enjoying it. Stress the not so silent killer.

general update

Not a whole lot to say...we've been busy planting veggie seeds, trying to de rock the garden...that is about it. It's still pretty cold at night, I am concerned we're going to have a short growing season.

Cat stuff....getting ready for the first adoption event...Not sure Brian is loving the whole cat idea...we'll see...

Had to have scott fix the dishwasher again...what a piece of crap that thing is. I am not sure why we are having some many problems with the appliances...but I suspect we'd do well with a whole house surge protector...

tired this week...Scott and Brian have nasty colds and I think I am fighting it off just fine, but it makes me tired.

But the fresh air is good and so is airing out the house.

Peepers are out at night...very noisy but cute.;

choices

Scott and I sold our wedding rings today....gold fetches nice money and Brian needs to see a dentist, he really needs a new mattress and we had about $200.00 in unexpected car repairs.

I knew we had to do it...just way too many bills we couldn't cover this month...and I know we should be upset about it, but truth be told...you do what you have to do.

If i didnt have the cat rescue to keep my mind focused on the positive, I might be feeling stressed, but I didn't. Sad a little, but it isn't those rings that symbolize the fact that we're still together despite the blows we seem unable to step to the side and miss...

who knows..maybe next Christmas when we've been married 30 years we can get new ones, but for now I got the dentist thing and the car thing covered and I am working on finding an affordable mattress.

you do what you have to do for your kids...and as long as it is the right thing...the cost is the reward of being a good and caring parent.

I know people don't understand the toll that 13 years of this takes, and I hope they never do. Better it is our burden because we can do it then it is someone elses.

funny what we miss

we've had to give up a lot of things and we've found out after a while you hardly miss them....

but right now when my dishwasher is broken and full of water and my husband's solution to dealing with the stress is to stay at work again...

I miss the money to pay to get things done....I mean I did make Scott  (and still do) fix the things he could..but sometimes?...

today as my back kills me from bending over the sink and bailing water from the dishwasher..I miss being able to just go buy a new one.

I HATE washing dishes by hand and so does my back.

on the upside, it was a glorious day out, Brian and I had lunch outside in the sun and fresh air and I see little baby greens starting to peek their heads up in the gardens.

and my mage is level 90 on warcraft..finally... (got to have a little fun in all the craziness )