freaking nightmare...

My computer crashed today...REALLY crashed. Despite over 12 hours of trying to fix it and salvage data, it's hard drive is dead.
I have an external back up drive, but the laptop I am typing on right now is too old to recognize it.( thank you Debbie for the back up in case of emergency) I am hoping that I can get a new computer, and I am hoping that I can retrieve the information. My files, pictures, itunes, quicken, etc...it is just a nightmare I do not need to deal with right now.

It's so funny in that nasty ironic kind of way. I've helped a lot people with their computers and frequently preach back up...hard copy..etc..and here I am caught with a back up I can't seem to access and no hard copies of anything.

On top if it, a new computer is not exactly in the budget...and did I mention a rock flew up and broke the windshield on Stephanie's car?....broke it good, it also needs to be replaced. I feel like ripping my hair out in frustration.

I really don't like how this week is going. I am angry, frustrated, tired, agitated, now on top of taking care of Brian, worrying about everything, I need to figure out the computer issue, completely rebuild my data bases...tax information, email addresses, AHHHHHHHHHHHH.

There isn't enough hours in a day and pennies in my purse. Thomas Paine wasn't kidding when he said "These are the times that try men's souls"....

good thing my hair is short...I think I'd rip it all out right about now.

Now, update about Brian...he is tired, has an ulcer (on his bum) from the chemotherapy, and is having more trouble with lack of feeling in his feet. I am going to make him use my cane for a while, I saw him trip today while we were in the hospital (for labs) and I can't support him like I did when he was younger. It's just better if he has the cane, BUT I know that suggestion is going to go over like a lead balloon.

Tomorrow is hectic..Stephanie's car has to go to the shop for new brakes and we have to do something about the windshield...(it's totally splintered across the front) or it won't pass inspection, and it isn't safe for her to drive that way. I have to see about the computer...I have to go get a prescription filled for Brian's ulcer...

I need a money tree, a clone machine and some anti anxiety medications....

and to think, just last night we were having a lovely relaxing evening watching a movie...hanging out...how quickly things change...
if I wasn't grey haired already, I would be after today.

SNOW....

Okay, so I admit it, I am a snow junkee....the miserable cold rain turned to glorious snow. Not a lot, but about 2 inches. Just on the mountain top, because when I went to the grocery store (YES AGAIN...) it was rain down the valley. It's windy tonight, but I'll bring some wood in and light a fire. The cats will be happy...they think the slate hearth is a kitty warming plate.
I think Scott and the dogs are tired of the snow though. It was a small dog pile up at the back door when they realized it was cold again.

Brian slept most of today. First really good sleep he's had since the dexamethasone. The steroids disturb his sleep. He's feeling better, less nauseated, but more tired. His blood cells are most likely starting to die off and his counts will be starting to fall. He's still quite hungry, but it's not a bad as it has been over the weekend. I'm going to make lasagna with spinach, a good dish high iron.

Stephanie is off work tonight, so we're going to hit up the redbox and get a movie...movie...nice fire in the fireplace...warm kitties...and lasagna...sounds good to me. These are the few times here and there that we will get some "down" time. (though I'll be doing laundry too...)

This is how we roll....

Many times in the last ten years, people have commented on how they just don't know how we can do it...

I am going to share a small little vial of "how we do it"...it is because we just are not normal people..we don't look for comfort in normal places, we don't look to fit in or be "like the Jones' " in fact we abhor that behavior...

sometime we are rough and crass and definitely couldn't care less about society norms. OR social standing...What we do have is an enormous about of love for one another, and a Wicked sense of humor.

THIS...is the kind of bumper sticker I would proudly display on my car...none of that touchy feelgood crap for me... It's the truth and it is TOTALLY how Brian feels...

Order it here....

another damn rainy monday

I hate rain...and the grey that goes with it. It's raining for the second day in a row.

we went to the hospital for labs today, then I spent the afternoon on the phone scheduling appointments, making sure the labs were getting faxed correctly and speaking with the social worker at Hershey to see what arrangements I could make for staying when we go out there.

Bam...three hours gone...no wonder I lose track of so much time.

I updated the calender with our new schedule. However it is subject to change on several counts..first would be the lab results....we can have to go into the hospital at anytime if Brian develops petechiae or fever etc...

We will also be going out to Hershey to meet with the transplant team sometime in the next few weeks. That has to be scheduled once they review Brian's tests, results, pathology etc...and determine what tests they wish to run themselves as well as a treatment plan. We'll probably have to get a hotel room and spend a few days there for the harvesting of the stem cells as well.

There was a problem with the medicaid application, seems the internist that saw Brian in February for his surgical stay never filled out his part. It was almost by accident that I found out about that, and have made sure that is in the correct hands to get filled out, but that means another 4-6 weeks of waiting since it hasn't left the hospital to get to the state even...

You just simply can not rely that these things will get done correctly without supervision. Like my plate is not already full enough.

Special thanks today goes to grandpa for the playstation3....Brian is completely thrilled and I have to immediately go get him a game so I can have 5 minutes of peace. and a nap..I need a nap...again...this is where that lack of sleep comes into play...SO many things to get done..and only one me. And these are not things I can even give to other people to do...these are the normal things that fill out our lives crammed into a tiny space left by the BIG thing that fills my life right now.

Sunday's musings

Today is our first "free" day in a week. I don't have to be any place with Brian. In a way it feels refreshing, but in another way it feels stressful. After all, it is not like life simply stops because you're too busy to deal with it.

This is one of those day where the choices are the hardest. Do I catch up on laundry, housework, yard work, paper work...pay bills...(well, I better do that or we won't have any water or electricity, or cell phones...etc)...
OR do I catch up on rest...or something else that helps me relax and de stress?

I started the day on the phone trying to find a solution to one of the never ending issues, and in doing so I found myself torn between asking someone to do something they might not feel 100% comfy with, or what I need for Brian. The answer was easy...I asked because Brian needs....many of our days will include little personal dilemma's like that. In the end, a mom's got to do, what a mom's got to do...anything else...so not important.

so back to what I am going to do with the rest of my day....well first I am going to see if Brian has left me anything to eat. Then I am going to go to the grocery store, because I am pretty sure that the answer to that is probably a can of tuna, and another obscure can of something that the label has peeled off of, and it most likely dog food.
THEN I think a nap is in order. I learned the very serious pitfalls last time he had cancer of trying to do too much and not getting enough sleep.

We have our "schedule" this week of M,W,F labs, but that is subject to change. IF labs dip too low then he'll have to be hospitalized, and at some point I know the cancer clinic is going to call with a time they want to check him over (I know this because my paperwork tells me they will be called to schedule an appt.)

Brian is cranky, nauseous and starving at the same time ( and he says that is hell [his words])and he says his bones hurt (that would be the neulasta).

Stephanie is baking filling some cheesecake/pie/cookie orders she has...hope she'll leave a few for me to judge..

I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but special thanks to our neighbor Jim who always comes over and helps Scott with the cars and is always willing to watch over things. He's a good neighbor and friend.

'ROID RAGE

Anyone who says that "they didn't know" someone was taking steroids...is FULL OF CRAP.

One more day to go on them, and after just a week, not only is Brian crawling the walls, he's eating them as well. I am fairly sure he's consumed 90% of the weeks groceries I bought two days ago.
He's red cheeked, totally hyper and did I mention CRAWLING THE WALLS?

I took a nap this afternoon for about 2 hours. When I woke up, I came downstairs and the table in the living room was piled high with wrappers, banana peels, orange peels, plates, soda cans, pickle jar,glasses even an empty tub of icing and an empty gallon milk jug.
I'm pretty sure that if it wasn't frozen, it's gone....he might have even eaten some frozen stuff....I wouldn't be surprised.
I just cooked a pot of veggies and 4 fish fillets for him, and when I came back, he was dipping pumpernickel bread into a glass of V8...and THAT was just nasty....

I'm going to go tie him to the bed now.....will be back later for anymore updates...

oh, and if you don't hear from me?.....well....then....I guess I was tasty....or I am out robbing the local grocery store....(just kiddin)

a day in the life..

Enjoy....

a day in the life....