please give me the will

Brian is sleeping today because we stayed up to watch the meteor shower...somehow I MUST find the internal will and strength to get some decorations up for him...he deserves it...I am just having such a hard time with the whole holiday ideas this year and not much of a budget with all the trips back and forth for the scans/dr. visits...I just can't get the creative juices flowing in the pull the rabbit out of the hat department.

Brian loves camo though and I am going to get some yarn in camo colors and crochet him a nice warm scarf....and maybe some matching slippers...got to keep Frankentoe warm

Frankentoe is what I named his ingrown infected toe....(ehh maybe that is one of those you have to be here for that to be funny things)

Scott got some new blood pressure medication from the dr...his other meds are just not cutting it with the additional stressors..my check up went ok got some stronger xanax to help with the sleeping and

I am excited that I got an order for two beaded necklaces to make for someone for Christmas....from my etsy shop :)

hope everyone has a nice weekend :)

meteor shower

Brian enjoyed the meteor shower  and we have such a terrific clear view to see it with. It was chilly though :)

tuesday 12/11 update

Brian finished his antifunal medication, and while it helped, it did not clear up his head, so it looks like we'll be seeing a dermatology specialist. His oncologist thinks that it may have become chronic psoriasis from the damaged immune system from all the chemotherapy. Since it is SO bothersome to Brian, it would be very good if after 10 years, we could get rid of it.

He's not running any fever this week...but the fatigue is still more then say a month ago..very concerning indeed.

I am headed to the doctor myself tomorrow...so is Scott..he's getting a check up and I am getting my heart medication adjusted and an ekg and getting some different meds to help me sleep and a check up (or more likely a lecture..lol).

I was hoping to see a good friend from Hillsborough as well, but she is out of town :(   I don't get to see her like I wish I could very often.

my back was alright in the car to Philadelphia surprisingly, so I hope it will be good tomorrow. The long car rides have a habit of aggravating the injury.

Brian and I are playing warcraft tonight.."For the Horde"

ok camera charger found...2 auctions up...link to etsy shop up...shop is empty but I will add some stuff shortly...

a new picture of Brian n Leni on the side, I took down the surgery pic from feb 2010...put something less depressing up for now.

times like these I wish I drank...so much easier to explain my inability to cope that way...r at least a good excuse...but NO not me...

I am a little less depressed today because I took some xanax and a whopping load of caffeine....I have an appointment to see my doctor on wednesday..pretty sure I need a BP medication change and some better antidepressants.
better coping thru pharmaceuticals...and MUSIC!!!



http://youtu.be/N6uEMOeDZsA

crappy weekend

I am having a really hard time this weekend. I am sad, depressed..and I know from last time no one really wants to hear it...but it's a fact that I can't escape...

I just put the xmas stuff back in the closet..I can't even face it right now. I am beginning to wonder if after 12 years of being pounded on I just reached the end point of being able to take it.

damn oven is still broken too

wed night fun

we had a great time last night...we sat and made sandwiches and watched the first season of Big Bang Theory....Scott had never seen it and it was SO funny for him to recognize some of Brian's behaviors in Sheldon. Also funny to listen to the bicker about that...since Brian obviously disagrees.

a nice evening...

Just trying to get organized...not sure why I try cause it seems to be a losing battle, right now it is the paperwork nightmare that keeps me busy.

On an upside of things, we got notification from ssdi that Brian's disability review is finished and approved and he won't have to have another for 3 years. It's not a lot of money but it sure does help. Diet is so very important in him fighting this disease and I don't know about you, but wow has my grocery bill gone up in the last two years.

the dogs chewed the weather gasket off the bottom of the front door...idiots....cute lovable IDIOTS. Brian was playing with them and then got tired and I wasn't watching so they decided to go get into trouble all on their own.

it's frustrating just biding our time until the testing...way too much time to sit and ponder...and not enough time to read thru all the treatment trials.
Since Brian has had a modified CHOP protocol, an ICE protocol and an autologous stem cell transplant, we are up to just few options. Good new options, but ones that are very new and have relatively few results. And maybe he wont have to have treatment cause this is just a big nasty scare, but I don't believe that and I prefer to be prepared.