Brian has some hair....and he even needs to shave....of course his hair is grey colored, but we've seen it come in that way before. It took about 6 months last time to return to his normal color...
Scott had an eye doctor visit today because he's having trouble seeing out of his left eye. The eye doctor is sending him to a specialist tomorrow...so not sure yet what is going on. but something is...don't know if it is from the car accident or the possible cause of it....
Brian has an eye doctor visit thursday as a follow up to the problems he had form the chemo....we know he'll need new glasses, the chemo changed his prescription.
Stephanie's kitten Cobbler died suddenly and and unexpectedly the other night. He had seemed fine and she didn't want him necropsy-ed to find out why, but she is very sad. Cobbler was very sweet and we all miss him very much.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
thursday update
Brian slept all day...I stayed up extra late to see if I could get him to eat before I went to bed, but he's still not up, so I am going to try and get some rest.
We decorated some more for Halloween today, my very favorite holiday, but I am having a hard time feeling it. Stephanie already senses this because she made a comment to me about how we "would "be getting a real tree for xmas...just in case I was thinking I was not in the mood...
I am really glad she has a boyfriend she enjoys spending time with, it gets her out having fun and away from this mess, but I miss her cheery spirit around me. I forget sometimes how much she helps me cope even if she does like a little more drama then I do...
We decorated some more for Halloween today, my very favorite holiday, but I am having a hard time feeling it. Stephanie already senses this because she made a comment to me about how we "would "be getting a real tree for xmas...just in case I was thinking I was not in the mood...
I am really glad she has a boyfriend she enjoys spending time with, it gets her out having fun and away from this mess, but I miss her cheery spirit around me. I forget sometimes how much she helps me cope even if she does like a little more drama then I do...
Monday, October 4, 2010
weekend update
Scott had a car accident on sunday. Ran into the back of someone on the exit ramp of 80. He's fine, the car, well it isn't pretty and I don't know how it ran on his way to work. I'm done trying to help him deal with things. He's on his own. I really have enough to worry about and I can't help really help anyhow. He doesn't like my suggestions.
My focus has to be on Brian and taking care of him. Then everything else like fixing Stephanie phone she dropped in her tea today...I don't have the time or energy to cater to someone who's making his own problems and not helping with the family.
HE better get over this soon. I am WAY short on the patience. And the anger is starting to come to a boil.
My focus has to be on Brian and taking care of him. Then everything else like fixing Stephanie phone she dropped in her tea today...I don't have the time or energy to cater to someone who's making his own problems and not helping with the family.
HE better get over this soon. I am WAY short on the patience. And the anger is starting to come to a boil.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
saturday
In the mail on friday I got the monthly newletter form the lymphoma/leukemia society. I have been getting these for 10 years now.
I noticed this month there is an article on NHL (non hogkins lymphoma) and it talks about how nhl should now be looked at as not curable, but as a chronic disease. I knew this, I really did, in my heart, but after the week I have had, seeing it in print really just sent me for a nosedive.
How can we possibly continue to deal with this constant drain of money and emotion and time and it is sucking what little life I have left in me, out.
I just see nothing but doom and gloom on our horizon. I feel today that if it wasn't for Brian and Stephanie and the cats, there would be no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. I am officially depressed. Really, really depressed.
while I will never understand why people abuse substances because I am a control freak, I am beginning to understand why people cut themselves and starve themselves, because those are controllable things in a world that is running headlong into disaster, and I NEVER wanted to understand these types of things.
we just do not seem to get a break and I am beat up, beat down and just so damn sad.
on top of it all, Brian is complaining of feeling a lump in his neck. I am hoping he just has a little cold and it is a normal lymph node. I can feel it too.
I noticed this month there is an article on NHL (non hogkins lymphoma) and it talks about how nhl should now be looked at as not curable, but as a chronic disease. I knew this, I really did, in my heart, but after the week I have had, seeing it in print really just sent me for a nosedive.
How can we possibly continue to deal with this constant drain of money and emotion and time and it is sucking what little life I have left in me, out.
I just see nothing but doom and gloom on our horizon. I feel today that if it wasn't for Brian and Stephanie and the cats, there would be no real reason to get out of bed in the morning. I am officially depressed. Really, really depressed.
while I will never understand why people abuse substances because I am a control freak, I am beginning to understand why people cut themselves and starve themselves, because those are controllable things in a world that is running headlong into disaster, and I NEVER wanted to understand these types of things.
we just do not seem to get a break and I am beat up, beat down and just so damn sad.
on top of it all, Brian is complaining of feeling a lump in his neck. I am hoping he just has a little cold and it is a normal lymph node. I can feel it too.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
thursday update
Brian's had a pretty good week, but he's had some headaches.
I had a brief conversation with someone today who seemed very surprised that a well known cancer group didn't help with Brian's expenses. I was sadly amused, as I ran into this when Brian was sick before as well. For some reason, there are a lot of people out there who think that the well known groups such as the american cancer society and the lymphoma and leukemia foundation actually assist patients with many expenses. This is simply not the case. We have received a total of $150.00 in aid from the L&L and nothing from ACS. Trust me, it is not because of our tax bracket...these groups simply do not help financially...they help with literature..and sometimes counseling and support groups.
What they do with all their donations, I can only guess.,but it sure doesn't go to patients...I know they claim a lot goes to research.
when Brian was sick as a child, we got a small amount reimbursed from L&L (less then the $150.00) and no other assistance from any other cancer group. When Brian completed his treatment, we did get a vacation courtesy of the Make a Wish foundation. They were a group that helped as they claim to.
I had a brief conversation with someone today who seemed very surprised that a well known cancer group didn't help with Brian's expenses. I was sadly amused, as I ran into this when Brian was sick before as well. For some reason, there are a lot of people out there who think that the well known groups such as the american cancer society and the lymphoma and leukemia foundation actually assist patients with many expenses. This is simply not the case. We have received a total of $150.00 in aid from the L&L and nothing from ACS. Trust me, it is not because of our tax bracket...these groups simply do not help financially...they help with literature..and sometimes counseling and support groups.
What they do with all their donations, I can only guess.,but it sure doesn't go to patients...I know they claim a lot goes to research.
when Brian was sick as a child, we got a small amount reimbursed from L&L (less then the $150.00) and no other assistance from any other cancer group. When Brian completed his treatment, we did get a vacation courtesy of the Make a Wish foundation. They were a group that helped as they claim to.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
what a day
today was not a very good day. Scott has not been dealing very well with the stress of everything and today he almost lost his job...wouldn't that have fucked the pooch....while I understand being overwhelmed, I am unsympathetic to his specific issue at work. He did it to himself. and he's been lying to me about getting to work on time. (that is what the issue is).
to make things worse, Brian feels like it is his fault that Scott is stressed out. When the fault entirely lies with Scott, he needs to actually deal with his problems and feelings.
He has 3 months to prove he can get to work on time otherwise, his job and everything it supports, will be gone.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel concerned for us as a big picture....I resent the additional stress this places on us and how it makes both Brian and Stephanie feel. I think he needs to go to the doctor and get some happy pills ASAP.
to make things worse, Brian feels like it is his fault that Scott is stressed out. When the fault entirely lies with Scott, he needs to actually deal with his problems and feelings.
He has 3 months to prove he can get to work on time otherwise, his job and everything it supports, will be gone.
For the first time in a very long time, I feel concerned for us as a big picture....I resent the additional stress this places on us and how it makes both Brian and Stephanie feel. I think he needs to go to the doctor and get some happy pills ASAP.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
weekend update
Brian is back on vitamins, he's happy about that...he's also started some of the supplements to help with the chemo brain, we're starting to see those effects again, but last time it was several years into it before we knew about the helpful supplements. Some are expensive, but I got him some to tide him over until I get to costco, they are less expensive in larger quantities there. I wouldn't get them if we hadn't seen the helpful effects last time and now even the dr.s know to suggest them...
Brian had some decent energy yesterday, and was very helpful with chores, but when he got tired, he got very cranky, so I will have to remind him not to burn it all off....we do not want him cranky.
Brian had some decent energy yesterday, and was very helpful with chores, but when he got tired, he got very cranky, so I will have to remind him not to burn it all off....we do not want him cranky.
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